Here's How to Supercharge Your Friendships 👬
ˢˢ029 | The intentional effort needed to cultivate friendships as an adult
This year,
I’ve been thinking a lot about how different the friendships I have now are as compared to the friendships of my early and mid-twenties. A lot of the people are the same, thankfully, but there is one real big variation: EVERYONE IS BUSY AF.
Let’s talk about some small but impactful changes I’ve made this year to ensure I get that quality time with my favorite people.
🤝 The friendship dilemma
My lord, it was so easy to hang out with people when we were younger. No responsibilities, endless time, many of us even lived with the people closest to us, or at least in the same town. And then all of a sudden, or at least that’s how it felt to me, it all changed. There was a monumental shift where everyone became the busiest people on the planet. Did you feel this too? I, of course, am not absolved from this either, up and moving to England at 25 may have thrown a wrench in my ability to connect with people lol. But I truly, maybe naively, believed it was just a phase, and pretty soon, as we raced toward our 30s, we’d settle into what sitcoms promised us. “Hangs” with your crew on a regular, if not concerning, cadence.
For most, that didn’t happen. The time between seeing your friends spaced out more and more, and when you did hang, a lot of the time it became a perpetual “catch-up sesh.” On the surface, this isn’t really a problem. This is life. Priorities shift, and many things become inconvenient. People move away, jobs get more stressful and demanding, people get married and have kids — all of this is actually amazing, and it brings me great joy seeing people winning at every aspect of life. AND at the same time, I think we can up our friendship game.
There’s plenty to say about how there is a loneliness epidemic, but I’ll let the experts speak on that: I think what I can offer are two super simple and tactical solutions I’ve been using this year that have helped me consistently hang with the people that I love.
Calendar the good stuff
At the end of each hang, before you say your goodbyes, whip out that phone of yours and pick a date 1-2 months in the future and make a calendar event for the next time you want to get together. You don’t need to pick what you’re doing in the moment, but you can effectively reserve that day so that no matter how busy you get, you’ll be able to say, “Oh, that Thursday is reserved for so and so.” Like I said, this is very simple, but it really works wonders. Plus, if you see them before, then that’s just one more moment of connection. The trick here, though, is staying firm to this commitment. Your friends and friendships are worthy of that place on your calendar. Treat it like an unskippable meeting because that’s what it is.
Friendship Rituals
Another quick friendship fix is slotting in a weekly ritual. I’ve written about rituals earlier this year, but it bears repeating: you can, and should, carve out some time to do the same thing with people every week or so. Some examples:
Playing Call of Duty every Sunday night with the same couple of guys, cracking inside jokes that never get old.🦆
Investing in Thursday morning pilates with your crew, then exploring new coffee shops nearby together.
Getting together to watch the Bills game every week (I personally can’t wait for this to come back around.)
Or maybe Wednesday lunch at 11 AM like this group of guys have done for 75 YEARS STRAIGHT!!!
Whatever the activity is, that repeating point of connection and routine will give you something to look forward to every single week with the people you love.
🔹 Small Step to Try This Week:
Text someone you’ve been thinking about, and instead of saying “let’s get together sometime,” Suggest a date and time. If they’re busy, keep going, don’t just let it go. Putting in a little effort goes a long way here.
🎯 Curated Gems
Watch: Superman
Just saw this last night in 3D (wouldn’t recommend 3D lol). I went in, not sure exactly what to expect, but it didn’t disappoint. I love how James Gunn leaned all the way in on current events to make his message about what Superman is supposed to represent even stronger (even if he says that wasn’t his intention).
I personally saw parallels to Israel and Gaza, overstepping tech billionaires, the wild dynamics of geopolitics, social media outrage and misinformation and more.
I will say it’s a very hopeful, funny, fantastical movie, which, with everything going on, was very welcome.
When it comes down to it, the quality of our relationships literally impacts the longevity and happiness of our overall lives. [You can read more about that in this happiness study] So while life is only going to get more and more busy, schedule that hang date, lean into recurring rituals, and hold tight to your buds, you won’t regret it.
With grateful love,
Ikey